𝙀𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙒𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙏𝙮𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝘼𝙣𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝘼𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮

1. The Royal Goblet (Father’s Special Cup)
It’s a miracle how our fathers had a particular cup they drank from. I tell you, this cup is as sacred as the Holy of Holies. Woe betide anyone who drinks water from it in the head of the house’s absence; and more woes on anyone who dares to break it. It’s one of the wonders of the ancient and typical African family.

2. The Seat of the Caliphate
African fathers have a special chair they sit in amidst the many chairs in the house. The manner in which they “balanciaga” on this seat will make you dread the rapture when God will sit on His throne to judge the world. Their posture is often characterized by thighs spread apart, arms resting on the armrests, and an air of superiority as if to tell their kids they own the place.

3. Mama’s Go-to Pot
There is always one very big pot that bears the brunt of large meals and is most times the first choice for the preparation of Sunday rice. Again,nit is usually the go-to pot for the preparation of festive meals. It’s safe to call it “The Pot of Life”.

4. Sunday Rice: I can’t really say for sure, but most African families are cursed with the Sunday Rice lifestyle. Sunday is often treated with some sort of specialty, accompanied by a hot plate of rice and, at times, fried plantain and stew.

5. Ancient Classics: There’s no way an African father will not be a fan of either Christie Essien, Funmi Adams, Ebenezer Obey, King Sunny Ade, Onyeka Onwenu, Bob Marley, Eric Donaldson, Dolly Parton, Evi Edna Ogholi, Brenda Fassie, Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Lucky Dube, Ras Kimono, etc. When we idolize the likes of TuFace and Psquare, they adore the grounds that their favourites walk on.

6. Family Radio: African fathers love news; it made me wonder if that is their purpose on earth. The annoying part is the subtle remarks and comments that come out as a result of the headlines. These folks too do.

7. A Set of Repetitive Devotional Songs: An African home has a thing for repetitive songs during devotion hours, and it irks me. From “Good morning Jesus, good morning Lord” to “Amen… Amen… Blessings and glory”… it sucks!

8. Family Album: There is always an album that contains super-duper boring pictures from the prime of our parents’ lives. One would think the pictures would make up for their boringness by being clear and bright, but no, they’re either in black and white or some sort of greenish colour that is unpleasant to the eyes. The album also contains pictures of their children’s first birthdays, with the celebrant standing like a statue behind a heaped bowl of rice, several spoons, and Goldspot, Limca, Coca-Cola, and Mirinda drinks. Whoever tells African parents to keep pictures of dead relatives and disturb our peace with explanations of how the person was before death didn’t really think before doing it.